Hey lovelies! It’s a new day and time for a new topic. This week I came across a post on Instagram about a woman who was having problems with her husband as she had lost her mojo after having a baby. Her husband was understanding to begin with, but as a year has passed and she is not really feeling like being intimate, he is now threatening to look elsewhere to fulfill his needs. So, today I want to talk about losing your mojo during/post pregnancy and getting it back.
Now I can totally understand where this woman is coming from. After the birth of my daughter (baby no.2) I really fell off the band wagon when it came to being intimate. I mean after 9 months of stress on your body, going through a huge process of labour and giving birth and then having to be on demand for a baby who needs you 24 hours a day, being intimate is definitely going to be the last thing on your mind. You are tired, almost zombie like and your mind is not in the space for all of that. Well at least that is what happened to me. There is also the aspect of the changes that have happened to your body (something I still struggle with today). You don’t look at your body the same way and you are left wondering if your husband/partner even finds you attractive. What can you actually do to get your mojo back though?
Firstly, every woman is different. We all take different times to heal from the birthing process and recover. Hell, it has taken me over a year to feel a bit normal again! So do not beat yourself up if it feels like things are not back to normal yet. Putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or look a certain way will usually make things worse. Take your time to look after yourself mentally, emotionally and physically. This is very important in the healing process.
Talking to your husband/partner about what and how you feel is equally important. If there is a lack of communication about the matter, it is bound to stir up emotions which can lead to other things. If you are able to, let him know how you are feeling, what your fears are. That may help to open the line of communication and then he can also let you know how he feels. You may find that he equally has some fears about the issue(s) too. For me, I just didn’t want to be intimate. I had too much on my mind plus two young children to look after. I hated the way my body looked and I didn’t feel beautiful at all. I didn’t communicate and it started to put a strain on things in my relationship. It wasn’t until my partner said to me one day that he felt like we were not getting on well because we were not building on our bond and being intimate. That is when I sat back and started to look at both sides of the coin.
Taking time out from being mum and spending time with your husband/partner is very important. This one took me a while to grasp. I was so wrapped up with being mum that I would turn down opportunities to go out on dates with my partner and spend one on one time with him. Although this may seem small and insignificant in the bigger picture of getting your mojo back, it actually allows you to really look at/spend time with your husband/partner again. You get to feel like a woman again, the sparks may even start to fly again. It could just be that little reminder of why you fell in love with him. Doing this every now and then may help you to feel comfortable and safe around your husband/partner again and who knows what it may lead to one day/night when you get home. ;D
Lastly, make time for yourself. Becoming a mum is a huge change in any woman’s life and takes a lot of adjusting into the role. For some it is not so easy. Making the time for yourself once a week or every two weeks is also important. It could be a soak in the bath, treating yourself to a manicure/pedicure, doing your hair or even spending some alone time at a coffee shop for an hour. If you do not look after yourself, you are of no use to anyone. This all helps with feeling human, like you again. When you look after yourself and you feel good, then you may notice little changes in your relationship that will allow you get your mojo back!
All this aside though, there could be other underlying issues which are contributing to how you are feeling. I would definitely say visit your GP and discuss these issues too. Your GP could also provide alternative help which may be able to help with you getting back to feeling like you again.
From a mother to another. I know how you feel. I have been there and I know what it feels like to be in that place, but I do want you to know that help is out there. There are little things you can do to help with how you are feeling – like mentioned above. Do not dispair or give up hope. A lot of the time, this feeling doesn’t last forever. You WILL get your mojo back!
Until next time,
Ohemaa Beauty xoxo